9/20 - Siddhartha

"Passionately he wished to know nothing about himself anymore, to have rest, to be dead. If there only was a lightning-bolt to strike him dead! If there only was a tiger a devour him! If there only was a wine, a poison which would numb his senses, bring him forgetfulness and sleep, and no awakening from that! Was there still any kind of filth, he had not soiled himself with, a sin or foolish act he had not committed, a dreariness of the soul he had not brought upon himself? Was it still at all possible to be alive? Was it possible, to breathe in again and again, to breathe out, to feel hunger, to eat again, to sleep again, to sleep with a woman again? Was this cycle not exhausted and brought to a conclusion for him?" 

I think this passage embodies the concept of nihilism. Siddhartha has reached his breaking point where he no longer sees the meaning in what he does. He's done it all and has started to question what is the true meaning of what he is doing. He's gotten to the point where he basically sounds suicidal only wishing death upon himself. He doesn't feel satisfied with the life he has lived and even worse sees it as being all meaningless. Nihilism is essentially that; it is the idea that life is meaningless. Siddhartha has been seeking a higher sense of self and hasn't been able to achieve that, not by following a complete rejection of the material world or being a part of the material world. Siddhartha doesn't feel as if he belongs anywhere, he is in his own personal limbo that has become a pseudo hell. This passage expresses all of his frustrations. It is one of the climatic moments in the story where he has reached a breaking point and truly questions the meaning of his life. 

I chose this passage because it is something I can personally relate to. There has been times where I have questioned the meaning of why I am here, why do I go to class every day, why do I spend money, why do I do everything, what is the point of it at the end of the day. I have thought about what is the purpose of humanity and what are our real contributions to this life. As we have discussed in class, I would love to just get up and drop everything and just live in the woods or out on a farm and live off the land. One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite shows expresses just that: 


"This is nice country, maybe I'll retire out here, tell 'em all to go to hell.." - Bobby Hill, King of the Hill  


I would love to just give up everything, maybe not by retiring age but younger and just go somewhere beautiful and peaceful. But we all know that is pretty much impossible unless you're, ironically enough, the richest person in America. The odds of someone actually giving up life in society and just going off on their own is pretty slim. I am sure that it is possible, but the possibility is so slim it might as well not be considered so. We are a part of society that we need to live in to survive. Not all people know how to survive out in the wild for 50 years. We require education that gives us careers and careers that give us money to buy a home, a car, food and all of these other things that have become essential necessities in our lives. As much as I hate to admit it, it is pretty inescapable. We do have the ability, however, to manipulate our own destinies and live how we want to live. We can choose what we major in, which then determines what kind of job we have and were we will live as a result. Some people choose careers because they are highly ambitious individuals who want the big house with the luxury cars. Some people choose careers because it's what they love do to and are willing to risk never finding a job and living in a rinky dink place just to keep doing what they love. This passage from Siddhartha expresses our deep rooted need to find meaning in life. As the most highly evolved intelligent beings on the planet and known universe we have the ability to think of all these abstract thoughts beyond our survival needs. We are curious creatures who want to know everything and have come across some amazing scientific discoveries. Our thirst for knowledge will always be unquenchable because we will never truly know why we are here. I believe that from this stems the many different religions that provide people with guidance in their lives, that reassures them of a higher being that knows why you are here and that promises something better in the afterlife or maybe just something new. I don't think it's bad that we are searching for these answers I just think we should realize that we might never get them. This passage makes me truly believe that everyone has a moment in their life where they are nihilistic. As for our class studying a time period between two World Wars really amplifies why people might create a movement out of this one concept.